When caring for an elderly loved one, navigating feelings of stress, guilt and exhaustion can be common. Judy Thomas of Louisville helps care for two loved ones who are residents at Nazareth Home, including her husband’s aunt and the mother of a friend who lives out-of-state.

We caught up with Judy to inquire about some of the challenges she experiences, the ways she tries to overcome them, and how Nazareth Home has helped in her role as a caregiver.

How do you go about dealing with the burnout, stress and exhaustion that may come with caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia?

Judy Thomas: For years, I have started each day by going on a long morning walk with the dogs. Sometimes, the walks are simply quiet times to relax and enjoy being outside. Other times, they provide me with the opportunity to problem solve.

I am a lover of the outdoors. Whether it’s working in the yard or hiking at Bernheim Forest, nothing does more to soothe my soul.

Close friends — who have themselves been caregivers — offer me a lot of support. With them, I feel safe expressing that sense of being overwhelmed. Often, they offer me helpful suggestions for dealing with issues. Sharing meals and a glass of wine with them makes everything seem more manageable!

Having time to do the things I want to do for and with my immediate family and friends is often challenging. I have found that I must, at times, give myself permission to allocate that time. I am usually a better caregiver having done so.

I read a quote once that said, “Good humor makes all things tolerable.” So true! It’s okay to share a laugh about something your loved one has said or done or, for that matter, something I have said or done in my exhaustion!

Do you ever deal with feelings of guilt when it comes to caring for your loved ones?

Judy Thomas: Increased guilt is very much a part of my life. At Nazareth Home, I know they are receiving the best care possible. Their physical and many social-emotional needs are being met. But my involvement has changed over the years. Initially, it meant weekly visits, trips to the doctor, an occasional outing. My husband’s aunt is fully involved in all activities at Charity Court (Nazareth Home’s Memory Care neighborhood, located at the Highlands Campus). She would be just fine with phone calls, weekly visits and an occasional outing. There have been times when she told me she didn’t have time to visit because she was too involved in an activity. I loved that!

I feel more pressure now to provide emotional support for my friend’s mother. Her quality of life has greatly diminished in the last year. She is no longer able to express herself. With her, I feel as though I should be spending increased periods of time. As I spend more time with her, I experience feelings of guilt over not spending enough time with my family and friends. It is difficult to strike a balance.

How have your priorities shifted since becoming a caregiver?

Judy Thomas: My own parents and older relatives have been gone for a number of years. When I retired, I thought I would have time to do all the things I never had time to do when I worked. Responsibilities as a caregiver have changed those plans. There have been occasions when I have been resentful, but I love these women and that has helped. My priorities have shifted and, most days, that’s okay.

There is definite uncertainty in knowing what each day will bring. For fear of missing a call from Nazareth Home, the cell phone is always on and with me. If someone is not doing well, I hesitate to go on even short day trips out of town. I hesitate to commit to vacations with friends and, when I do go, I limit the number of days gone.

How do you receive the support you need?

Judy Thomas: I have a few close friends who understand the responsibilities and concerns I am experiencing. They are individuals who have also been caregivers. With them, I can share my feelings. Other friends don’t understand why I am sometimes just too tired to meet them for lunch or go away for a few days, and that can add to the stress I am already experiencing.

What helpful suggestions do you have for others who are supporting loved ones with Alzheimer’s or other dementia?

Judy Thomas: Try to make the time you spend with your loved one enjoyable for both of you. Nazareth Home is taking care of their physical and many social-emotional needs. When I go, I hope to be the “bright spot” in their day. I want the visit to feel like any other visit with a good friend. I want them to know I look forward to seeing them and enjoy spending time there. I know them well enough to know what they enjoy and, when I am there, I try to share in those activities. Looking through old picture albums is always a favorite. With the iPad, we can now enjoy videos as well. We love courtyard visits. We laugh a lot. Both of “my girls” love dogs. Having that furry friend there provides nothing but love and acceptance without saying a word.

It’s okay to take time for yourself. You will find yourself a better caregiver because of it. When feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to ask for help. Women, especially, are prone to thinking we are the only ones who can. Even if there is no one else who can help you manage the responsibilities you face with a loved one, there may be other ways they can lighten your load.

Finally, having both of my ladies at Nazareth Home has lightened my load immensely, and I will be forever grateful.

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To learn more about the care provided at Nazareth Home, visit nazhome.org.

2021, what a year it has been. Building a foundation in the midst of a pandemic was not our plan, but sometimes the light shines through the dark, which is what is happening for the Nazareth Homes Foundation. 

We want to take this opportunity to thank all of our Nazareth Homes Foundation supporters. Your generosity has allowed us to focus on our team, encouraging them to grow their own personal advancement through education. We awarded eight scholarships through the Sandra King Education and Excellence Fund and started an apprentice program to help our staff grow and improve their skills. Workforce development is critical to our industry, and through your support, we are able to give back to those who give so much to the elders every day. 

Thanks to the support and generosity of the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth, we brought new technology to our facilities, allowing our team members to experience firsthand what it feels like to have dementia, macular degeneration, or to face the end of life. This has brought so much more empathy to our team members; as Garry Gaither said, “Everyone should have this chance; this experience was wild.” Gary is a 30+ year staff member and has more empathy than most, but this experience was impactful even for him.  

Our Clifton Campus installed new flooring thanks to the generosity of the Ursuline Sisters of Louisville, and we cannot express how great they look! 

Finally, we are thankful to our friends at the Kentucky Colonels for granting us the opportunity to improve our bathing room within our Charity Court Memory Unit at our Highlands Campus. Through the generosity of the Colonels, we have added a new spa tub allowing our ladies in the dementia unit to experience a peaceful bath time.  

None of this work happens without the support of our donors, private or foundation, religious or secular; your support means the world. In a year when the elders expressed worry they would “be forgotten,” our community stepped forward to let them know that it is not going to happen.

If you are interested in learning more about the Nazareth Homes Foundation and how you can get involved, please reach out to our Development Director, Roberta Steutermann, at rsteutermann@nazhome.org.

The holidays are associated with giving, family traditions, and good cheer. But they also can be stressful and overwhelming for those who are caring for an elderly family member. 

According to research from the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, approximately 34 million Americans have provided unpaid care to an adult age 50 or older in the last 12 months. In addition, about 15 million adult family caregivers care for someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia. 

Below are a few things to consider in order to enjoy the holidays while providing compassionate care to a loved one:

• • Traditions are not as important as connections. Holiday traditions can bring the family together and bring back special memories, but sometimes they can be difficult for an elderly loved one. You may find that traditions such as holiday shopping, gift wrapping, and baking have become more exhausting for your loved one as each holiday season approaches. Instead of forcing your loved one to participate in an activity they no longer enjoy for the sake of tradition, consider new ways to value each other’s time during the holidays. 
  • Get everybody on the same page. When you begin to develop your holiday plans, make sure family members and friends in your planned gathering are in agreement about the preferred time and place of the gathering well in advance. This way, you can express the plans in detail to your elderly loved one to minimize stress. Consistent reminders of the plan in the weeks leading up to the gathering also can be helpful. When planning the gathering with family members, it is also important to communicate any dietary restrictions or pertinent information about your loved one’s health. 
  • Utilize storytelling and reminiscing. The holidays can be difficult for those who have lost a family member. To help your elderly loved one avoid succumbing to these feelings of grief, encouraging positive storytelling and reminiscing about good holiday memories can be helpful. When it comes to caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia, storytelling may get repetitive for caregivers but not to the loved one. Though you may have heard the same holiday story dozens of times, it’s important to remember that your family member likely finds great joy in reminiscing. 
  • Prioritize self-care. The holidays can be hard for those caring for an elderly loved one. Feelings of grief, guilt, and stress are normal reactions. To address these feelings, it can be helpful to interact with other caregivers who are in similar positions. In addition, it’s important not to take your elderly loved one’s mood personally during the holidays. Maintaining a healthy sense of humor and taking some time to do things you enjoy can also help with stress management.  

You may also find it more difficult to buy holiday gifts for your elderly loved one than it used to be. Below are a few gift ideas for older adults:

• • Cozy bathrobes and slippers. Because seniors can get cold in the winter, a warm bathrobe and a matching pair of slippers will be appreciated. For safety, look for non-skid soles on the slippers. 
• • Food gifts. No matter how old you get, you always appreciate your favorite food. Making a personalized gift basket filled with your loved one’s favorite cookies, candies, jams, crackers, cheeses, meats, or other snacks makes for a thoughtful and delicious gift. 
• • Fitness tools. Light weights, stretch bands, and similar items can help your elderly loved one stay healthy. The Arthritis Foundation has a list of exercise, hobby and home items for seniors with arthritis or limited joint mobility. 
• • Wireless headphones. Headphones or earbuds with bluetooth accessibility make a great gift to enhance music listening, television viewing, or audiobook listening. 
• • Personalized calendars. Utilizing a photo website, gifting an elderly loved one with a customized calendar featuring photos of family members, pets, and favorite vacation spots makes for a great gift. 

Nazareth Home wishes you a wonderful holiday season, and for more caregiving tips, please contact us. We are here to provide help and to support you and your family.